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Introduction to series Why Choose Me as Counselor
I love counseling! More importantly, I have a great respect for it. My desire is to explain to others why I believe it is so necessary for everybody to use from time to time. The problem is that counseling is so vast, complicated and complex that it would take perhaps months of conversation to make people understand the value I see in it. Couples counseling is by far the most complicated of all. To me, that is what causes me to stick with it. It is a terrible idea as a business. No matter how good a job I do, the couple will not recommend me to their friends. They will not give me reviews. They are ashamed for others to know that they are having relationship issues they cannot resolve by themselves. Think about it! Two people admitting that they cannot resolve all the issues involved in the most complicated, complex and difficult relationship on Planet Earth! Yet I continue as a Marriage Counselor and Mental Health Clinician for it is so fascinating and gratifying.
So I have come up with a great idea! Every day I will write a short article explaining how counseling works and why it is so helpful. I will show why ordinary persons hire counselors to do what they cannot and or do not want to do. My articles will change your life if you let them cause you to hire licensed professional counselors to do what you cannot.
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Why Choose Me for Counseling
Why Choose Me for Counseling?
Why Choose Me for Counseling is a new series. Each article will give you valuable information why counseling is necessary for you to have what you want in life--especially the LOVE. It will also tell you why I love to have therapy for my wife and myself and to provide counseling for others. My articles going forward will also inform you as to why you want a counselor to do what you cannot or do not want to do.
Why me? I use faster methods than other counselors. Most counselors use the Person-Centered method. The counselor listens, the clients talk. It is the responsibility of the client or clients to keep talking until they can identify the issues that bother them. Then it is their responsibility to find ways to resolve those issues. The counselor helps by listening and by telling the client(s) when they are "getting warm", or headed toward the correct answer. It can take years for clients to discover and resolve issues by this method that is considered the "Gold Standard" for counseling. I stopped using it 34 years ago when I began private practice.
One faster method I use is for me to learn up to 28 issues in the first two sessions. Then I list them in order of most urgent to least urgent. Beginning with the most urgent I help the clients resolve that issue through a conversational style. It's not up to the client to discover all the information needed. I give them some from my experience. In the beginning of each session I ask the client if he or she has something he or she needs to talk about other than the list. We talk about that new subject, then I get the client working on the most urgent on the list. This method keeps the client focused until all the issues are resolved. Leave it up to clients and they will stay stuck on the most upsetting subject for weeks to months.
An advanced type of this method is the Momentum Method. I developed this to urgently save marriages from divorce. I had to build up the marriage faster than the couple could tear it down. The person, couple or family agree to come to counseling every week until the issues are resolved. We often could resolve all 28 issues in seven months instead of the two years or more it could take without the momentum.
Another method is to teach the couple how to married in 22 weeks. This is a Condensed Counseling course, a teaching method instead of counseling. The couple learns the most important skills for marriage. It is perfect for couples intending to marry or those just married. It is not recommended for those troubled marriages in which emotions run too high for the couple to focus on learning the skills. It is also the perfect gift parents can give their children to prevent divorce.
I have other Condensed Counseling Courses that help couples and families. One of the best is "Emotional Control". The individuals learn how their emotions control their thoughts, feelings, behavior and what they say. In most cases they can use the patterns they learn to change their thoughts, feelings, behaviors and what they say to have more of what they want.
These are some of the reasons you should choose me. This is a series of articles to help you.
Lane Stokes, CounselingServicesAtlanta.com
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Why Choose Me as Counselor II
Why Choose Me for Counseling II
Two good reasons for choosing me as your counselor are my years of experience and wealth of knowledge. Over the years I have counseled people with similar issues. It becomes like viewing one common issue from many different perspectives. So when you present with the same common issue, I already know what it looks like from all sides. Instead of having to discover the different perspectives as a less experienced therapist would, I can save you a lot of time and money by already knowing the issue and how best to resolve it. Every person is different, of course, and this is what makes it interesting and exciting for me. I must learn your special individual twist on the issue. Out of this new learning often comes an innovative approach. When that happens, you get to feel good about your contribution to science. For example, my course "Understanding and Changing One's Emotions" came about from one clients inquiry into how her emotions effected her. Hundreds of people may now benefit from her one question.
At present I am writing an article every day about "Why Choose Me for Counseling." Be sure to return tomorrow for the next one.
Lane A Stokes, LPC CounselingServicesAtlanta.com lanestokes18@yahoo.com
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Why Choose Me as Counselor III
You should choose me as your counselor because I understand Narcissism. I know how to identify the narcissist, how narcissism can make love impossible for husband and wife, how to teach the narcissist to find love and how the trait of narcissism causes relational disasters for so many others. I will be writing about all these categories in the coming articles. You will not want to miss any of them. They will help you understand a lot about yourself and others.
We will begin with the narcissist himself. I say him because most narcissists are men. Some are women. The trait of narcissism usually applies to men but it can also apply to women. Read more of my articles to understand this fascinating personality.
The narcissist does not know that he is one. Narcissism is more a term used by psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors. But narcissism in itself is not a mental illness or personality disorder. It is a wonderful, fascinating type of personality coveted by those who would love to make more money or acquire things. The narcissist is an ordinary person who believes that he is entitled to have anything he wants. In this regard he is not selfish. He simply has come to expect the world to revolve around him.
Many narcissists will speak of themselves as selfish because they do not recognize or understand entitlement. Most end up in sales or business that allows them to make the money to buy what they want. The upper five percent rule the world as politicans, CEO's, military generals, police commanders, chief surgeons in hospitals, and other high ranking positions. They are rational thinkers and tend to get whatever they want in terms of success. The one thing the narcissist is not good at is love. He tends to own a mansion, expensive cars, horses, investments but also owns a wife, children and a dog. He buys his wife by giving her all the material goods of her wishes. But should she ever tire of what money can buy and desire love, the problems begin.
Some narcissists are "flaming" so that they are easily identified. Most others are discovered in counseling when they seek help in not getting a divorce. Their traits are revealed best by what the wife wants and cannot have. Three things will happen when she discovers how unhappy she is. They will get a divorce or he will learn to love or they will accept a separation so that she can continue enjoying what money can buy. She also remains married at least until "her" children have graduated from the expensive colleges he has promised them. It is generally understood that narcissists are hopeless in learning to love. I've found a method that works if the narcissist is capable of applying himself. Unfortunately, most are simply unable to succeed at the method because entitlement is too important to modify.
If you do find yourself to be a narcissist or have a loved one who is, take heart. As I continue to modify this method I have developed, I believe that more will be able to use it successfully. Please address any questions or comments to the email address below.
Lane A. Stokes, CounseingServicesAtlanta.com lanestokes18@yahoo.com
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Why Choose Me for Counseling IV
Another good reason to choose me as counselor is that I can help you determine if you are a true narcissist. The term I use for defining this population is "Developmental Narcissist". I learned this from the book written by Dr. James F. Masterson. He is a well known psychiatrist who wrote the book "The Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorders". It took me a an entire year to read the book, outline it and assimilate it into my counseling practice.
In the book he describes how the Narcissistic Personality develops, thus my term "Developmental Narcissist." He wrote that in the first year after birth, the infant experiences the mother object and infant object as one object. When the baby desires food, it comes to him immediately from the breast or bottle. Therefore, he got it because he wanted it. The same was true for getting the warmth of a blanket or the snuggling of love from the mother. When in the first year the splitting process took place when the infants would discover that the mother object was separate from the baby object, the minds of 12% of those babies would not accept this as fact. Yes, they could see that the bodies were separate, but they could not accept that mentally, the child object could continue getting what was wanted by simply desiring it. Of course, nobody can know what a one-year-old infant thinks. Psychiatrists surmise what must have happened in retrospect. When 12% of the population seem to have an almost magical ability to get what they want when they want it, that happened during the splitting process in the first year of life. The fact in real life is that about 12% of the population do get what they want without much effort.
Then comes the science of determining the percentage of ability in acquiring what one wants. It is estimated that the upper 1% of of the 12% are the most successful in getting what they want. Then there is the upper three percent, the upper five percent, and the upper nine percent. He who is elected President of the United States is usually considered in the upper three percent for his ability to garner the financial support and votes to reach that office. CEO's, generals, police commanders, chief of surgery, and other top positions of any industry are considered in the upper three to five percent. Anybody not in the twelve percent are not considered to be true narcissists. All in the twelve percent acqure money and material objects quite easily. Those not in the twelve percent have trouble getting what they want in terms of money and things. But they do have some possibility of succeeding at love. Love and marriage are denied the twelve percent in varying degrees. Read the fourth paragraph in the article III of this series.
What made the 88% have to struggle for money and things? During that first year split, eighty eight percent of the babies accepted that the mother object was separate. That meant that when the baby cried for milk, warmth or cuddling, the mother would come in her own good time. The baby had to accept whatever happened to him. No more magic for him. And so the 88%, the average and normal individuals must struggle for anything they get. Which are you?
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Why Choose Me as Counselor V
I recently remarked to a podcast host that narcissists comprise 12% of the population. She was genuinely surprised and said, "Is that all?" There seems to be more than twelve percent. That is because of what I call the narcissistic trait. A trait is like a small piece of a condition that resembles that condition but is not. For a love relationship to succeed, the counselor must be able to distinguish if a person is a true narcissist or only has the trait.
If the person is a narcissist, he is entitled to have whatever he wants--except love. If he has the trait he is more capable of love. The counselor cannot treat both the narcissism and the trait the same. Neither can the lover or spouse. It would be a disaster. The glaring problem is that nobody can tell for sure who is the narcissist and who has the trait. It will take months of weekly counseling to be sure. A counselor without the experience, knowledge and skills to determine which is which can cause major problems. Why choose me as counselor? I've had lots of experience, gained lots of knowledge and skills at distinguishing between narcissist and trait.
Lane A Stokes, LPC CounselingServicesAtlanta.com lanestokes18@yahoo.com
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Why Choose Me as Counselor VI
I need to be chosen as counselor because of what I know about how narcissists destroy relationships. I haven't said much about the Unseens, but they are reasons a couple falls in love, stays in love or stops loving. They are also the reasons couples marry, stay married or get a divorce. Marry a narcissist and he will soon have everything the way he wants it in the relationship. Like I said in a past article, he feels entitled to have everything revolve around him. One by one, he will cheat his wife out of having those Unseens that caused her to love him. He will retain all his Unseens. She will choose to stay married for other reasons than love or she will leave him.
When love fails, the spouse, male or female, will stay in the marriage for other reasons. The biggest reason I've found is that the spouse is Catholic. The Church frowns on divorce and makes it very hard and shameful to get a divorce. If the spouse is female, she may stay because of her belief and great need to prove that she can change him. That seems to be a calling for females. I first saw it in a girlfriend I had in college. The spouse may remain in the marriage or relationship because of guilt or maybe intimidation. There are more reasons than I have space here. The fact is that the love is going away and the spouse is staying in the relationship for some other reason than love. But the absence of Unseens will usually win out over any reason to stay.
I mentioned in a past article that Unseens are the glue that holds marriages or relationships together. It is powerful glue. Think of it as that which holds plywood together. Have you ever seen a sheet of plywood ripped apart by a tornado? It had to violent. If Unseens are the glue, what could be so violent a force to rip the couple apart? Infidelity can do it. A woman not getting sexual love can do it. Either spouse not feeling appreciated or heard can do it. Growing tired of a relationship can do it. What couples do not realize is that when they start the divorce process for whatever reason, the Unseens begin ripping away, causing the intense emotional pain found in divorce. Unless they are told, they don't know what is happening and will suffer the entire process of having every Unseen ripped away. For some that can be many and a horrible unrelenting pain well past the divorce.
Why choose me as counselor? If you or someone you know find that they have married a narcissist, they could choose me as counselor to warn them of the problems and pain to come. I could also help them work through to a better place for him or her. If the narcissist were willing, I could teach him how to move from entitlement to love.
Lane A. Stokes, LPC CounselingServicesAtlanta.com lanestokes18@yahoo.com
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Why Choose Me? Sad or Depressed
Are you sad or depressed? What difference does it make? Sad is a root emotion. Depression is a psychiatric term to describe a chemical condition. A psychiatrist would say that if you feel sad, it is because of a defined event. Your pet or a loved one died or you lost your job. No treatment is needed to make you better. You will grieve for a while and get back to normal. If you are depressed chemically it is because some element in your bloodstream is causing your brain to not function correctly. You need a chemical called an antidepressant to correct the chemical imbalance and you need counseling to correct your distorted thinking. People who are chemically depressed tend to speak harshly of themselves, ie "I'm so stupid, who could love me? etc. People who are chemically depressed are more likely to hurt themselves. So it is important to know if you are merely sad or chemically depressed.
A simple way to know if you are chemically depressed is if you feel sad when you awake. If nearly every day when you wake up you feel sad and there is no reason for it--like a pet dying--you are chemically depressed. You need an antidepressant and counseling. Why Choose Me as your counselor? I am an expert at treating depression of all types. Tomorrow I will talk about the many kinds of depression.
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Why Choose Me as Counselor VIII Are You Depressed
One good reason to choose me as counselor is to determine if you are depressed. There are ten basic forms of depression. Many people have one or the other and do not know it. They believe that their symptoms are a normal part of life. Even when given a list of symptoms prepared by professionals, they will dismiss them, believing that those symptoms do not apply to them.
Depression is serious. Bipolar, Major and Psychotic depression can kill you. Major depression can also incapacitate you for a long time. The others will simply suck the life out of you. A depressive disorder is as powerful as any emotion, having the power to affect how you think, feel and behave. Some depressive disorders are caused by events in your life. Others are caused by changes in the brain. Only a professional expert can determine if you are depressed and how.
The sooner you find out if you are depressed and what kind you have, the sooner you can have it properly treated and return to mental health. In the days to come I will be speaking in detail about several types of depression. Do yourself a favor and be sure to read all my articles. Love your family and friends by telling them to read my articles as well.
Lane A Stokes, LPC CounselingServicesAtlanta.com
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Why Choose Me as Counselor IX Major Depression
You should choose me as counselor to diagnosis and treat Major Depression. It is characterized by a persistent feeling of sadness and a lack of interest in outside stimuli. The DSM-V lists twelve symptoms that make for a miserable life. Not only the victim, but the whole family suffers with the victim bringing them down with his or her feelings and negative attitudes.
What causes Major Depression? Serious events like death and long bereavement, one's own personality, family history, giving birth, loneliness, alcohol & drugs and illness cause it. The chief problem is that it is not "curable". It comes and goes during a person's lifetime. Principal treatments are antidepressants and psychotherapy. For more serious depression electroconvulsive therapy can be helpful.
We are a pill nation. Most patients believe that the antidepressant medication is enough. No, it's not. It can take away the sadness and make you feel better about yourself but the underlying issues are still at work. You need a therapist like me to help you overcome or control those.
Now, a word about suicide. People think depression is what causes suicide. I say yes, partially. In my long experience working with suicidal patients, especially at Grady Hospital Psych Ward, it is more than simple depression. Those who get admitted to a hospital after an attempt have told me that there's a little "trap door" in the depression that causes suicide. Suddenly one feels trapped, no where to go, no reason to live, and that's when they cut or hang or shoot or jump out in traffic. When that mood passes, they no longer will attempt it. Of course, this is only one reason people do it. The worst is the one who has convinced him or herself that suicide is a rational solution to a problem. He doesn't warn and he usually succeeds.
So, if you feel sad over a period of weeks or months and others remark how you have lost interest in most things, call a counselor. If in Georgia, call me. You need help because most likely, you have Major Depression and it will never leave you.
Lane A Stokes CounselingServicesAtlanta.com
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Why Choose Me as Counselor X Endless Conversation
A good reason to choose me as counselor is to extract you from an "endless conversation." It has been called the Merry-go-round or cat chasing it's tail conversation. It occurs in both personal and business relationships. One of the main drawbacks is that neither person is aware of causing it. I'm sure you have been in more than one. All of us have. Not only are they non-productive, they tend to be very frustrating. In eroding marriages they can be the "last straw".
In the endless conversation, one or both are attempting to make a point. The other or both go on talking as though not hearing the point being made. In other words, neither or both feels "heard".
Certain types of personalities create or prolong these conversations. The black/white or all or nothing personality is one. Narcissism is another. In religions where the man is positioned as head of household is a third, and the list goes on. One can guess at which personality is at work, but a professional counselor is useful in determining the correct one. The counselor also is helpful in smoothing out hurt or angry feelings associated with the debacle.
In a business setting an endless conversation can be very destructive and costly. If the employer is the cause and the employee doesn't know how to bring the fact to the employer's attention, a counselor is helpful. I've helped in such scenarios many times from my office. Jobs and promotions have been forfeited due to the inability to work out the differences.
Next time you find yourself in one of these conversations and cannot get off the merry-go-round, call me.
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Why Choose Me as Counselor XI Love is Talking
Love is talking. It is doing also, but doing is made better by talking. Whether it is family members, a couple or single parent to child, talking is the basic form of communication that is vital. Withholding information and feelings can be a serious problem. Each needs to hear that his or her emotional and physical needs will be met, that he or she will be appreciated daily, listened to and heard. Leftover childhood traumas and wounds must be healed. You cannot go even a week without talking about subjects that are often trying and upsetting. When talking is too difficult it is time to call in a counselor like me.
When the love hormones take over and a couple falls in love, talking about everything will become easy. The first thing they will talk about is sex. If they have time for the next six months until the hormones subside, the couple will also talk about jobs, careers, possible living together or getting married, inlaws, children and when, division of expenses and chores, budgets, and possibly taboo subjects they have always feared mentioning to anyone. When the love hormones subside, talking about anything can become strained. That's when cohabitation and marriage come under scrutiny. Arguments fester, sometimes into fights, and talking really becomes difficult. A licensed professional counselor is necessary at this point.
Is it any wonder that I spend most of my time as a Marriage and Family Counselor teaching families, single parents and child, and couples how to talk? What amazes me are TV shows like Gray's Anatomy where the therapist plays spectator to doctor's fights in his office. What is he thinking? Doesn't he know these individuals like so many others, never learned the skills of talking growing up? Why doesn't he teach them? Much of the challenge of counseling for me is finding new and creative ways to help people talk effectively without sabotaging their relationships or running away.
People confess with guilt and shame that they cannot make their relationships work properly. I wipe away their tears by telling them that the failure is because they don't have the needed skills. That's all it is. Then they feel ashamed and stupid that they have waited fifteen years to come to counseling to learn the skills. Fifteen years wasted! Give me a call so you won't have to waste another second with poor communication. Talking between two people can be very difficult due to any number of factors. Learning the skills you never learned growing up usually clears up all communication issues.
Call me. The consultation costs nothing and the relief is priceless.
Lane A Stokes, LPC CounselingServicesAtlanta.com lanestokes18@yahoo.com
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Why Choose Me for Counseling XII Persistent Depression
A good reason to choose me as counselor is to diagnose and treat your Persistent Depression or Dysthymia if present. Yesterday I said that Major Depression comes and goes over one's lifetime. So does Dysthymia. It also interferes with daily life, work and relationships. Particular to this depression the patient finds it difficult to be happy even on joyous occasions. He or she appears to be gloomy, pessimistic and or a complainer. The symptoms usually go away for maybe two months and then come back. For this reason, the person has to take antidepressants every day and remain in psychotherapy at least every two weeks.
Whereas it takes only 2 weeks of persistent symptoms to diagnose Major Depression, it takes two years for the first diagnosis of Persistent Depression. Victims act in a robotic way, going through the motions of life, so that those around believe they are normal. The victim feels anything but normal.
More than half develop Double Depression. This is when Major Depression develops on top of the Dysthymia. It is a horrible disease and a professional counselor like me is needed to give the patient some sense of normalcy. Like Major Depression it can cause suicide.
Consultation costs nothing but the relief is priceless! Don't put it off another minute!
Lane Stokes LPC CounselingServicesAtlanta.com lanestokes18@yahoo.com
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Why Choose Me as Counselor XIII Terrified to Drive
Has your older parent ever said to you, "I'm terrified to drive!" Worse still, has he or she not? Decades ago an article was written, "When Our Parents Become Our Children." It was as sobering a thought back then as it is today. Parents are not accustomed to having children take care of them. When they need help as older parents, most simply do not feel comfortable asking their children for help. We have to know when they might be hurting and what to ask them in order to give them the relief they need. Why hire me as counselor? Helping you help your aging parents is something I know a lot about. I spent two years at Wesley Woods talking to aging parents about their needs.
There are so many questions your aging parents want to ask you. The large looming one is That Talk. Children of aging parents fear talking to their parents or parent about those subjects. Do you not know that parents fear That Talk ten times worse than their children. The parent is getting older. Eyesight is dimming. Hearing is harder. Balance is becoming more difficult. Memory loss is more a problem. Driving is frightening them more but that represents their freedom and they had rather give up life than lose that freedom. Don't take their car keys without a lot of preparation.
Your parents gave you many instructions when you were a child. Most of the time they didn't do it with care or kindness. But you now must treat your parents with much care and kindness. You must be VERY respectful. That will take a lot of self-control. For the most part, taking care of your parents will feel strange, scary and humbling. Interacting with them is the beginning of new growth for you as well as them. You are all in this together. You might hesitate in calling on a counselor for self-help. Don't hesitate when loving and caring for your parents is at stake. Email me at lanestokes18@yahoo.com and let's talk.
Consultations cost nothing but the relief can be priceless! Don't put off your happiness
Lane A Stokes, LPC, M.Div. CounselingServicesAtlanta.com
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Why Choose Me as Counselor # 14 Fornication
In a podcast production yesterday I was asked to comment on why so many singles are afraid to marry. My initial response was, "Your parents are divorced, all the parents of your friends are divorced, and you don't know of any couple being happily married. Why would you think that you could be successful at marriage?" That was accepted as a valid observation. I went on to say that singles not marrying seems to be an epidemic. The question then became, "How do we help singles learn how to be married?" I believe that the issue runs much deeper than I was prepared to discuss yesterday.
I believe that the fear of marriage is an afterthought or "after-fear" of the question of fornication in our country. When contraceptives were made legal in 1962, the world changed for the younger generation. They were made aware that they could have sex without the fear of pregnancy. The routine church education against fornication began losing effectiveness. Our youth needed something to appeal to their reason and not their emotion of fear, but church policies were too slow to respond. By the time pornography images and videos became widely popular through the Internet in the 1990's, too many youth had become jaded to the meaning of sex or sexual intimacy in relationship. I think the best approach to enticing singles into marriage is to show them the deeper meaning of intimacy in marriage. That's hard to do when the popular belief is that sexual intimacy is the same as intimacy.
We need to communicate to our youth and adults as well, the true meaning of intimacy. The Internet tells us that "Intimacy is a closeness between people in personal relationships physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It builds over time as we grow to care about each other." That's the "what". I've found through counseling that the "how" is by the risking of talking about things that make us most uncomfortable. That's the excitement of the unknown and the daring to delve in it. It's like the excitement of taking off your clothes in strip poker but moreso because you are letting the other see inside you. You are giving the other the privilege of seeing inside the depths of you what is most guarded and precious and meaningful. Can you get any closer than that?
At present, the two most formidable barriers to intimacy are distrust caused by sexual intercourse before marriage and feeling that it is unsafe to allow the other person the privilege of seeing inside. How then are singles to experience the deeper intimacy of marriage when having sexual intercourse has caused them to distrust those who would see inside them? My solution is to teach them the skill of risking talking about difficult subjects. The excitement of seeing inside others and self will cause them to choose the safety of marriage. In that marriage they will build trust and love and never want to leave it.
A Consultation costs nothing but the relief is priceless.
Lane Stokes LPC CounselingServicesAtlanta.com
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Why Choose Me as Counselor #15 Fear of Commitment
In the podcast production yesterday I was asked to comment on the common complaint of women that men fear committing in a love relationship. My immediate answer: "The issue is not fear of commitment but more a fear of intimacy, and often both the man and woman have that fear".
We all have fear of intimacy to some degree. The greater the degree, the greater would be fear of commitment. Another area of concern pertaining to this fear of intimacy is in the so-called sexual addictions. I have consulted with many of these who consider themselves addicts. In my experience they are substituting practices of avoiding intimacy because of their greater fear of it. They cannot help the fear as it is the by-product of much of their growing up experiences. One way of avoiding intimacy is by having performance sex. The person acts like they are being intimate while they are not. They are similar to porn actors who convince the unsuspecting viewers that their "love and passion" are real. Looking at porn pictures and videos is a substitute for enjoying those same acts with a mate. They may desire to enjoy real intimacy with a real person but fear it too much to try. Can such a person learn to fear intimacy less? Yes. The best way has nothing to do with sexual practices.
Yesterday I made the point that true intimacy is when the individuals in a couple choose to risk talking about difficult subjects. For me, talking in intimacy is the best part of marriage. I can do that anywhere and anytime convenient to us. Each of us is granting to the other the privilege of looking deep inside the other to experience what is most precious, sacred and guarded. It makes us feel so good, so grateful, more complete, more in love than the few moments before we began. And we can do this as often as we wish. What could be more pleasurable and loving than talking in intimacy? The more we do it, the more we trust the other to keep our valuables safe. The safer we feel, the deeper we share our love.
One good reason to choose me as counselor is my ability to teach you to embrace intimacy. We start out slowly, usually me meeting with the man and then the woman or vice versa. Then I meet with the couple. Each in the couple talks with me in the presence of the other. Slowly one mate addresses the other. Before long each is sharing with less fear what is most scary with the other. This is possible because each is trusting the other and thus feeling safe in sharing. At some point each realizes the pure joy of intimacy in talking. From there the intimacy grows and the couple continues to grow closer in love. Warning: If one ever attacks the other by using the delicate subjects discussed in intimacy, it could destroy much of the mutual trust.
If both reside in the state of Georgia and are interested in trying this approach, email lanestokes18@yahoo.com for a consultation. At present this is available only through counseling. Should it later become a Counseling Condensed Course it will be available for teaching anywhere.
A Consultation costs nothing but the relief is priceless.
Lane A Stokes, LPC CounselingServicesAtlanta.com
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Why Choose Me as Counselor #16 Little Foxes that Steal the Grapes
It is the little conflicts that steal the love and ruin a relationship or marriage. In this series I want to talk about many of these little communication issues. I may not name yours, but those I do highlight are to let you see what kind of little communication problems are destroying the love in your relationship. I mentioned one in the article "Endless Conversation." It is caused by one or both of the mates who believe that he or she is always right. The person will not allow a conversation to end until the other admits or declares that "you are right." Some people had rather die than believe themselves to be wrong. It's the "right-wrong" stance that kill so many relationships.
Not only does the need to be right keep conversations and arguments going, it's the use of one or other of the words in normal conversation and arguments that are harmful. Do you ever listen to yourself talk? How many times in a day do you say to your mate or anybody, "I'm right." When you have to be right, you are making the other "wrong" whether you use the word or not. Nobody is happy about being wrong. Neither of these words is love-talk. Both are little foxes that steal the love. Do you know of somebody who has an unhappy marriage? Have them contact me for a consultation.
The consultation costs nothing but the relief can be priceless!
Lane A Stokes, LPC CounselingServicesAtlanta.com lanestokes18@yahoo.com